Boundaries & Acceptance

If you’re anything like me, you hold onto people even if they treat you poorly because you love and care about them. If you’ve learned your boundaries, congratulations and what’s your secret? I’m still working on those. I am a people hoarder. I don't know how to cut people out of my life. I choose to see the good in everyone. I see their potential, and I hold onto that because I’ve convinced myself it’s there. I am a person that gives ample opportunity for someone to change. I give endless chances. This is probably the worst thing I continuously do to myself. It has gotten to the point where I kept letting someone hurt me and return so many times that at this point; it’s my own fault.

However, last month, I finally cut off the person who had me in this endless cycle. It took substantially hurting my feelings, but I did it. Breaking the cycle was one of the hardest things I’ve tried to do. Honestly, I’m still working on the acceptance part. It’s the acceptance of reality that’s the hardest. It’s the realization that someone who truly cares about you doesn’t treat you like recycling. I've allowed this person to come and go as they please as if my life has a revolving door. I have no more room for narcissits in my life. *In my best AOL voice* – “Goodbye.”  

I think it’s good to give people second chances. I think it’s good to see the best in a person. I think it’s good to love unconditionally. But it’s also good to set your boundaries, and accept the heartbreaking realization when enough is enough.

It Came in Three's

grat·i·tude

/ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

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noun

1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

   "she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support"

I’ve been trying to find the courage to talk about all of the great things that have happened lately, but I’ve stopped myself out of fear they’ll be taken away.

I’m aware how stupid that is, especially considering these aren’t things that can get up and walk away. They’re not people.

Since 2019 seems to be my path to vulnerability I’ll continue on it and speak about the good.

Last month three things happened. It’s funny because I feel like it came out of no where, but I’ve been working so hard for so long that that is most definitely not the case.

The good stuff:

1.     My financial aid appeal was approved so it was re-instated.

(I had “too many credit hours” so it was revoked even though my GPA is 3.3.)

2.     I got my SCUBA certification

(Finally, after 9 years I did the damn thing.)

3.     I got an internship with a professional sports team

(I film their games/practices, edit, tag plays and upload for the stats team.)

All of this happened in the same weekend too. It was almost overwhelming, but so beyond welcome. I’ve been really busy, but I’ve also had more time with my friends and family thanks to a more consistent schedule. I am in a permanent state of gratitude and slight disbelief.

I could do a whole other post on how much I’ve appreciated my friends through all of this. It was one of my friends who showed me the internship in the first place! (He also gave what was apparently the greatest recommendation ever, so thanks B.) On top of that, I’ve received nothing but genuine joy and excitement for everything. I’ve never felt so much love. I knew I chose a good group of people, but turns out I chose/was blessed with exceptional people. (Not that I didn’t already know that but ya know!) It even gave me the courage to start weeding out the people who don’t make me feel that love. Gratitude, I have so much gratitude.