When I was 16 I started dating a
guy at my high school. The relationship was never healthy. He was a cheater,
and constantly doing things behind my back. I had such low self-esteem that I
accepted it. I didn’t think anything of myself, so why would anyone else? How
could anyone else love me? Fast-forward 5 years, and we’re still together. It’s
New Years of 2013, and he’s drunk. I wasn’t drinking because I was on call to
babysit, and sure enough got called so I had to leave. He was not happy about
that. I get in my car, he comes running outside yelling at me. He kept
shouting, “Open your door. Roll down your fucking window!” I refused. Long story short, he ends up
punching the window. Once the glass was cleaned off my clothes, out of my hair,
and my car I left. I tried to stick around to be supportive and get him help,
but there are some things people shouldn’t accept. Abuse in any form is one of
those things. One broken window to match the broken that was I; I finally left
him. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I had to learn how to
be alone for the first time in my adult life, and I had to learn how to love
myself.
However, 2015 was the most
challenging year of my life. I had never felt more alone, or sadder. The
thought of getting back together with him was comforting. It was a safety net
(that wasn’t very safe at all.) but in my haze, it seemed better than being alone.
One day in the transition from winter to spring, one of those perfect 70-degree
sunny days, I decided to clean out my car. As I was dusting my windshield, I
found a shard of glass. Every thought of wanting to get back with him had
vanished. I cleaned the rest of the car and tucked the glass back under my
windshield where it can’t be seen. Only I know it’s there.
2016
came and went, and it was one of the best years of my life. It was the
beginning of the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s 2018 and I’ve got an incredible
group of friends, I have found love for myself (which I’ll do a post on how I
got there later), I’m dating, and I’m back in school with real goals. When
you’re stuck in that haze of “what could have been” you have a hard time
remembering the bad stuff. It only takes one reminder, and positive thinking,
but you CAN live without this
person. You CAN be alone and learn
how to be happy about it. You CAN
move on. I promise. So find your piece of glass, tuck it away and remember: life goes on.
