If You Can't Seem to Let Go...Find Your Piece of Glass

When I was 16 I started dating a guy at my high school. The relationship was never healthy. He was a cheater, and constantly doing things behind my back. I had such low self-esteem that I accepted it. I didn’t think anything of myself, so why would anyone else? How could anyone else love me? Fast-forward 5 years, and we’re still together. It’s New Years of 2013, and he’s drunk. I wasn’t drinking because I was on call to babysit, and sure enough got called so I had to leave. He was not happy about that. I get in my car, he comes running outside yelling at me. He kept shouting, “Open your door. Roll down your fucking window!”  I refused. Long story short, he ends up punching the window. Once the glass was cleaned off my clothes, out of my hair, and my car I left. I tried to stick around to be supportive and get him help, but there are some things people shouldn’t accept. Abuse in any form is one of those things. One broken window to match the broken that was I; I finally left him. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I had to learn how to be alone for the first time in my adult life, and I had to learn how to love myself.

However, 2015 was the most challenging year of my life. I had never felt more alone, or sadder. The thought of getting back together with him was comforting. It was a safety net (that wasn’t very safe at all.) but in my haze, it seemed better than being alone. One day in the transition from winter to spring, one of those perfect 70-degree sunny days, I decided to clean out my car. As I was dusting my windshield, I found a shard of glass. Every thought of wanting to get back with him had vanished. I cleaned the rest of the car and tucked the glass back under my windshield where it can’t be seen. Only I know it’s there.

            2016 came and went, and it was one of the best years of my life. It was the beginning of the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s 2018 and I’ve got an incredible group of friends, I have found love for myself (which I’ll do a post on how I got there later), I’m dating, and I’m back in school with real goals. When you’re stuck in that haze of “what could have been” you have a hard time remembering the bad stuff. It only takes one reminder, and positive thinking, but you CAN live without this person. You CAN be alone and learn how to be happy about it. You CAN move on. I promise. So find your piece of glass, tuck it away and remember: life goes on.