Normalizing Not Being Ok...

 2022 has knocked me on my ass. There is no sugar coating it. If January is any representation of how the year is going to go, I am beyond uninterested. The only thing I've been thankful for through this experience is my friends and family. 

Something happened that caused a set-back in basically every aspect of my life. Which has resulted in me being not ok. When something bad happens to us we try to put on a brave face and keep going like nothing went wrong. Why? I feel absolutely destroyed inside. It's making me a selfish friend, daughter, sister, cousin because I don't have the capacity to be there for anyone right now. Why would I pretend like I do when I don't? I broke down last week and admitted to my mom that I'm not ok. Not in a - you should worry about me, find me a grippy sock vacation kind of way. Just a, everyday is hard and nothing feels good right now, I need to be dependent kind of way. Before I told my mom, I told my friends. When I tell you I have never felt more loved in my life...I had a friend extend her vacation a day to visit me. I had another drive to where I was immediately at 10:30pm on a week night. I had multiple people checking in on me every single day. The gratitude I have for the people in my life is immeasurable and make the not being ok tolerable. 

One thing I love about this generation is how open we are to the mental health crisis. Slowly breaking the stigma around not being able to talk about it because it's uncomfortable. Of course it's uncomfortable. It's vulnerable as hell. It's allowing people to see the "broken" pieces inside of you that can't be seen with the naked eye. No one likes to admit they have "damage." But we all have some, so why aren't we talking about it? 

Today I had to ask my friend to go grocery shopping with me because when I tried a couple weeks ago, I broke down in the international aisle. I am not ok right now. It wont be like this forever. I will heal. I will have good days again that aren't tainted with stings of overwhelming pain. 

Until that day comes - I am not ok. If you're not ok, I hope you let someone know today. Everyone deserves a little extra care when they need it. Be not ok because, you guessed it, it's OK! I hope you have people you can rely on, and if you don't feel free to leave your baggage here. Make this your safe space. We can all heal together.